Eating Disorder.... Part 1

Is there something in your life you have been struggling with for years? Some big monster you cant seem to conquer? Is there a prayer in your heart that has been offered to the Lord for years? For me there is. My never ending prayer for help with losing weight and keeping it off. To be delivered from the eating disorder that has bound me since I was a small child. 


When you think eating disorder you probably think bulimia or anorexia, but there are many kinds of disorders in this genre. Mine has been an unending battle that goes back as far as I can remember. An unhealthy cycle of dieting, bingeing, self punishment and back to dieting again. Over and over and over again. 


This afternoon God directed me to look the word disorder up in the dictionary. This is what I found.... 
Disorder - lack of order, confusion , sickness, disease..... put out of order,destroy the order of, throw into confusion, to cause sickness in. Wow! This is an exact explanation of what I have been going through since the age of  about 4 or 5. What I have been seeing as my personal enemy..... food.


*** Angela Jennifer ***


to continue.......

Changes (update)

As many of you know we were blessed with a son on May 4rth 2010. Our one and only son, Leland Edward Johnson.

Thinking back on the day I was in labor with him, I remember being overcome with many emotions. Happiness that our son was about to make his grand entrance into this world, Relief in knowing I would feel so much better physically once he was born, Sadness in  knowing that this would be the last time I would ever be at the hospital delivering a newborn baby. I could go on and on but the best word to describe the feeling is bittersweet. With the arrival of little Leland there have been many changes in our lives. All four of Leland's sisters are absolutely in love with their baby brother! God has blessed us with the most wonderful and beautiful baby boy who was sent to complete our family. Every day we are all showered with grins and giggles and lots of slobbery sugars! :) 

Not long after Leland's arrival we were blessed with a home and 6 acres of land in Bullard. We have been looking for a home to buy for several years and nothing seemed to work out no matter how hard we tried. When God decided to show us what he had for us everything just fell perfectly into place. Our home in the country is just perfect for us! We are overjoyed to finally be given the blessing of a wonderful house. No mortgage or rent , paid for in full.

Our home is indeed... Home Sweet Home! 

The next big event was a hysterectomy for me about a week ago. Once again God was so good and merciful to me as I was completely out of pain a day or two after surgery. I was afraid that I would wake up and be devastated at the finality of knowing that a big chapter of our lives was over and done. I must say that there was no such sadness. I have been flooded with peace and joy. God in his infinite goodness, love and mercy has guided me sweetly and gently through all of the recent changes in my life, great and small. Holding my hand and whispering peace into my ear. Touching me with his healing hand. Filling me with assurance and hope. Fulfilling all of his promises in his own perfect timing. Thank you Jesus..... :)

*** Angela Jennifer **

!!!!! Mother of 5 !!!!!

Its been a while since I worked on my blog and I do apologize for that. So many life changes since I last wrote! :) I am now the mother of 5. No longer 4 daughters...... but 4 daughters and a son! Leland Edward Johnson was born on May 4rth 2010. We are overjoyed at the awesome blessing God has bestowed upon us.

I have had a lot of health problems during the pregnancy and after BUT I am overcoming each one of them with the help of The Great Physician. God is amazing! He is always faithful even when I am not. He never forgets even when I have. He is always with me even when I have turned my back to him. To have the perfect love of my heavenly Father is an awesome treasure.

Now as you can imagine there have been many adjustments in the Johnson household since our son made his grand entrance in May. Everyday has been full of smiles and tears of joy and generous portions of  laughter. A much needed and anticipated season of pure joy came into each one of our lives with Leland's birth. We are all in awe of the peace and joy of God that surrounds him.

Storms and Beasts

The enemy stands and mocks. He laughs and whispers, ever accusing. His time is short so he plans and he schemes, using his full arsenal of imps and demonic forces. The current struggle is nothing more than an illusion. You have shown me victory from your holy hill. Your holding the answer in your hand. You have spoken to me in the darkness of night. As I slept you have shown me winds raging, beasts lurking from the depths. Although I watched in fear as the horrors lurked and loomed about me, I was but a witness to them. They were not allowed to touch me. Although the dangers were very real, your hand, as a shield kept them from carrying me away. Now, as awake as ever I see it unfolding and I see no way of escape. My heart trembles and the familiar sting of defeat rises in my heart. Hopelessness rears its ugly head........and then.....You say..." I have shown this to you in advance..remember?" So I cling to your promises. SEEING no way out, but KNOWING you are making a way. The storms and beasts are but dust in your mighty hand. Shut the mouth of the serpent, let all the plans of evil men be thwarted. 


*** Angela Jennifer ***

Lessons from the life of Job...

I have been led to spend more time in the book of Job for the last couple of weeks. If you haven't read it in a while I encourage you to take the time to go read and meditate on the the story that is told there. Make sure that you read in a comprehensible version of the text. I am reading the Message Bible.I find it much easier in getting the full effect of all that is going on and being said in the book of Job. The conversations between Job, his friends and God are easier to grasp.


 I think we can all receive some very important life lessons through Jobs life. Weather you are going through an intense time of testing or are witnessing someone close to you as they go through intense trials, Jobs story will bring a better understanding to you of the situation. If you are witnessing someone going through a (Job like) experience what are you doing to support them? Are you supporting them at all? Maybe your sitting there literally witnessing it but doing absolutely nothing in the way of encouragement. Or are you secretly thinking negatively about that person which is in distress? Forming your own opinion, all the while being ill informed. 


Jobs friends had many opinions on his situation and most of them were absolutely wrong! Job was being tested and God allowed Satan, for a season to torment him in every way imaginable. Yet, he was forbidden from taking his life. This was not due to something bad that Job had done. On the contrary, Job was highly favored in the eyes of his Father God. Imagine if you will,God pulling out his wallet showing satan a picture of his beloved Job and saying "Yep thats my boy... None like him anywhere in all the earth!" This began a chain of events in Jobs life. He experienced loss, heartache and pain unimaginable, but this would later bring Job into a much deeper understanding of God and his ways. In the end God would restore Job and bless him above and beyond his wildest dreams. But not before he gave a very harsh reprimand to his "so called" friends.. and to Job, a serious talking to! 


I implore you to hold on and continue to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength if you are in the midst of a (Job like) experience. I know it is difficult, I am in the middle of one myself. Remind yourself daily of the love your Father has for you. How favored we must be to have been chosen to be tested in such a way! I sometimes say "Oh the Lord must be bragging on me again!". Know also that, although He will never be done working on us as individuals, until we are with him in his kingdom, there is an ending date in your current battle with the enemy of your soul. In other words ... this too shall pass. We are more than conquerors in his mighty and precious name. The name above all names.... the name above sickness and disease, the name above lack and poverty, the name above every power of darkness and principality that ever existed..... The name of Jesus Christ! 


***Angela Jennifer***

The Fire Of Your Presence....

The Fire of your presence is where I long to be. Wrapped in the warmth of your love. Your fire touches and cleanses and imparts wisdom. You have spoken to me in the midst of that fire. How comforting yet terrifying all at once. You've held me up so that I can stand in your presence. Talking to me without words. Showing me things for an appointed time...yet all I need is more of you when I am wrapped in your arms. 




*** Angela Jennifer ***

Creation Of An Unspoiled Daughter.....

When will your hand open to release all you have promised? You have burned the doubt from my mind completely. Now my prayer is how much longer until you move on my behalf? 

My enemy stands and mocks me all day long. Shut his mouth and show me your kindness and favor today.

I have been brought low over and over again. Those that know me stand and watch my disappointments come over and over again. There eyes and thoughts are condemning me as they know not of all you have promised me. Shaking their heads in disbelief at the way of life that is mine. 

Let your Glory be revealed this very day. Show me mercy or I feel that I will surely die in the darkness that veils my eyes. My soul is weary, although I continue to feel your spirit hover all around me. I know that I am not alone as I endure the pain and hardships of this life you have given me. 

I long for the simplest of things that I see those around me take for granted again and again. Waste is what I see. Waste and unrecognized selfishness. Thank you that I will never be accused of this. 

You have given me many gifts in the midst of my struggles. One being that of a truly grateful heart.

 Everything you allow me to have is by your hand not mine. How foolish are those who are blinded by all of their material things and say in their heart "look at all I posses by my own hands, it is mine!" Do they not understand that it is only by your grace that they have any possessions at all? 

You have called me to be unspoiled. You have shown me, although it is has been terribly painful, that every good thing comes from you and you alone. It is a tremendous gift although it is difficult for me to receive. 

*** Angela Jennifer ***